Life Has a Way of Putting You Right Where You Need to Be…
A couple of years ago, I found myself between jobs and after working in healthcare during the pandemic, this appeared to be a much needed time of rest and reset. A blessing in disguise as I would later refer to this period. Friends asked me what I was going to do. I don’t know was my instant reply. I had no idea. I’m eudcated, lots of marketing experience, and older. So much older.
After a week, I decided to write my book…isn’t that everyone’s dream of writing the book that challenges and changes the world? Even gets banned? How about that, writing a book that gets banned. I bought a recondition used Mac Air notebook. Updated the software upon its arrival and structured my day to write from 8am to 12noon 5 days a week. Regardless of how I felt. I had my story already, I had shared each chapter with family and friends over the years delivering the experience over lunch or dinner. Sometimes we would share a tear, other times we would laugh hysterically over my blundering attempts to get things right.
The following Monday, I made my coffee, went out on the sunporch and began to write. It was easier than I expected. My experience and emotions poured out into digital code that eventually took the form of my journey in the written word. I wanted to share my experience of being a mom of a queer child and titled the book “My Kid’s Gay & I’m OK!” The hope to inspire other parents and be the ally of unconditional love and support to the LGBTQ+ community motivated me to tell my story which began 10 years earlier. I edited the book (rather poorly, I apologize to my high school English teacher, Mrs. Awe) and sent the transcript to my daughter for her approval. While it is my story, it is her story and my son’s story of our family’s journey as my daughter emerges and matures in the LGBTQ+ community.
She called me back and stated: “Yes, you have my permission to publish this book but I will illustrate this book first.” I protested that is not why I sent her the transcript. She shot back with, “Mom, this is going to help so many people but you need pictures, young people want pictures.” Pictures? Young people? I wrote the book with the idea of helping other parents understand and navigate this journey they are embarking on. I couldn’t see a young person picking this book up but I relented and agreed Rachel would illustrate the book.
Then life presented a job and it would allow me to return to healthcare and continue to work on my book promotions. As I settle into my position, within 8 months I was laid off again. As this employer stated: “You haven’t done anything wrong. We just hired you at the wrong time.” And with that I was unemployed again. As I drove home I said out loud, “Ok, what do I need to be doing? I know you keep redirecting me and will continue until I am going in the right direction.” At that moment it was clear to me to start promoting my book.
I bought 100 copies of my book but had not taken any steps to promote my work. Upon having more time available I reached out to Greater Evansville Youth (GEY) to present to the youth groups. I was excited they were receptive to having me come in and speak to their support groups. I’m also donating books to their youth groups. GEY offers support to queer youth in the Evansville area. As I walked in, the program coordinator and I spoke. I let her know these groups were near and dear to my heart. As we discussed the various struggles the queer community faces, she shared with me 50% of her youth group were already placed in guardianships. Which means 50% of the kids have been disowned by their parents already. Junior high age and up, disowned by their parents due to the child’s identity. I was shocked at that number but this shock turned out to be a seed that got planted in my brain and in my heart.
The next two evenings I met some really incredible kids who were more interested in my story than I expected. They wanted to know about Rachel, her life, and one young man let me know for my age, I looked great. He hoped I took it as a compliment and yes, I assured him, I did. As I handed out the books I brought, one of the kids shrieked out, “Oh! This book has pictures!” Suddenly the entire group was buzzing when I explained Rachel had drawn them. Kids thanked me, I was able to hug a couple of them. Then suddenly my time was up.
As I drove home I called Rachel to let her know how well the evening went, how much the kids were thrilled the book had pictures in it. I let her know she was right. We both laughed. When I got home, I kept thinking about the 50% of the kids who were returning not to their parents home but to the home of a guardian that evening. I remembered my misspent youth, my supportive parents and I could not imagine not having the guidance of my parents through out most of my life. For kids in foster homes and under guardianship, that support ends when they graduate high school and hit 18. At 18 years old, I was worried about split ends and chipped nail polish. I didn’t know a thing about balancing a checkbook or living within a budget or even paying rent or buying groceries. I can not imagine at 18 being thrusted into this world. I had limited education and limited job experience (babysitting and bussing tables at a local restaurant). There was no way at 18 the average young adult possesses the skills to be financially independent and live successfully in this world. And this thought kept creeping into my mind over and over.
Prior to my layoff, I paid for a vacation with Rachel, her wife, and her mother-in-law to Cancun. It was an all inclusive and paid for in full. I would not recoup any refund so I made the decision to go on this vacation. As I floated in the pool with my daughter, we discussed the book, the kids I had met so far, the local Pride events I was attending, and the warm welcome the local queer community was showering on me.
Rachel simply stated: “You should do a non-profit based on your book.” I protested no way, I was too old to undertake such a project. As we floated in the pool Rachel asked if I were to do a non-profit, what would it look like? Simple: raise money to support the LGBTQ+ community through scholarships and grants for educational opportunities and job training. Target the members who have little to no family support. GPA might play into it but Rachel is an example of blooming into herself in college. Academically she barely got out of high school but hit the deans list every semester in college. The majority of merit would be on the financial need of the individual. Maybe someone was going into the trades and while earning money, might need help with books or tools. Someone else going to cosmetology school with limited financial resources, this school is not accepted through the federal pell grant program. Whether it’s a certification program, trade school, 2 year or 4 year degree program if it would allow the individual to become financially independent upon completion, it would be considered under this imaginary non-profit.
“You should name it after your book, mom,” Rachel shared.
“Oh, that’s too long,” I told her, “It needs to be short and easy to remember like: M-K-G-O-K.”
“That’s it. You got it mom. You should totally do this and I will help you. It’s just about making a website and then letting people know you are here,” Rachel said with a smile. “We need that kind of support from our allies like you,” she added.
As I floated in the pool, I began to dream of helping others and planning how this would unfold and emerge. Returning home from my vacation I began to work on this passion project but within a month of being home, an employment opportunity presented itself. I took it with the vow of working on MKGOK in my spare time. Unfortunately, this job drained my time (I was constantly on call) and when I wasn’t on call, I was so emotionally exhausted from the work week. I gradually worked on each of the to-dos I had compiled that day in the pool in Mexico. It was slow going but each tasked checked off moved this passion project closer to reality. Web domain bought-completed. Filed with state and federal government and recognized as a non-profit entity-completed. Design website-will always be a work in progress but it had begun. The checklist was vast but bit by bit I chipped away at it.
Now I am on the eve of revealing to the world my passion project and tying up loose ends on the website, I am again unemployed. But instead of fear, I am relieved at this latest part of my journey. I again, have been redirected where I am needed. I begin registering at local Pride Events. Reaching out to local LGBTQ+ owned businesses to order t-shirts, silicone bracelets, and more. This dream is almost a reality. On one hand, I am thrilled as this all comes together and on the other hand, I am so incredibly scared no one will notice or worse support this little non-profit. Pushing fear aside, I trudge on as this dream becomes reality.
Floating around a pool in Mexico, unemployed, dreaming of helping others. Had I been employed, I would not have reached out to the local youth group to promote my book. The seed that was planted that night would not have happened. I am always amazed how I have always been placed and redirected where I need to be. How it always comes together and with this thought, I move forward with my passion project, ready to unveil to the world. Come dream with me. Welcome to MKGOK.org
Love,
Karen
